Lacking...

...motivation, inspiration, etc. For the past few months I have not felt like doing anything. I didn't get into the Holiday Spirit during December like I have in the past and I am seriously lacking motivation to train for the Triathlon I'm participating in on August 1. I haven't even felt like doing many of the things I enjoy, such as practicing photography. I don't know what is wrong with me and I don't like it. Okay, so I do know part of what is causing this. It's something I just need time to get over and apparently it is going to take A LOT longer than I want it to. Who knows, I may never totally get over it; all I can do is push on.

I hate being in this slump and I hate the fact that I have been extremely tired the past few months, yet haven't been able to sleep worth a darn. If I could lay on my couch or in bed all day and hide under my blankets, away from the world, I would.

I'm just sad, that's all. I will get out of this slump. I will become motivated to start doing the things I love again. I will become happy again (not the "fake happy" I've been putting on my face...the "real honest-to-goodness happy" that I used to feel every day). Maybe when Spring arrives and the flowers begin to bloom my mood will change.

I went to Florida for a week with my sisters this month and that helped lift my spirits a little, but not as much as I thought it would. Being near the ocean, having the ocean breeze blow through my hair, soaking up some rays (on the couple of days it was nice enough to want to be out long enough to soak up some rays), digging my toes into the sand, listening to the waves crash on the beach, etc. was absolutely wonderful, but something just wasn't right...I'm guessing it's that thing that's been unable to leave my mind and been tugging at my heartstrings for a while now. All I can do is keep pushing on and let time take care of things.

"Bear and endure: This sorrow will one day prove to be for your good." ~ Ovid