My True Love

I have one true love. No, it is not the love for a man. Yes, I love my son - he has a place in my heart that nobody else will ever have access to - but my one true love isn't even human. My one true love is...the ocean. The deep blue. The briny deep. Most of my life I have held a profound fascination for the great blue ocean. I don't recall how old I was when I first read about or was told about the ocean, but from that moment on I've been mesmerized. Everything about the ocean amazes me. The millions of creatures, the cycle of the tides, the different currents, how absolutely enormous it is...everything.




I have only been to the ocean three times in my 28 (almost 29) years. Only three times?! That is just sad. The ocean is where I am meant to be. Period. I am in love with it and always will be. When I am on, near, or in the ocean I am at peace and I am happy.


Last week when I was on vacation in Florida it was my third time seeing the ocean. I spent a lot of time on the beach near our condo, staring out at the blue expanse, letting the salty breeze blow through my hair, and listening to the waves crash. So peaceful. I even braved the 54-56 degree water one day. My sisters and I drove to Flagler Beach, I slipped into my wetsuit (a shorty - my legs and arms were bare), and waded about chest deep into the water. I didn't go under and actually swim, but by the time I was done frolicking in the water I was wet from head to toe due to the many waves. It felt great. I could have played in the waves all day, but we had other things to do.

I have always wanted to get a picture of the inside of a wave, aka, the curl. It is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Maybe it would be easier at a location where the waves get a little larger. Maybe someday I'll find out. As for now, I'm impatiently awaiting my next encounter with my one true love.






"I must go down to the sea again, to the lonely sea and the sky; and all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by." ~ John Edward Masefield

Lacking...

...motivation, inspiration, etc. For the past few months I have not felt like doing anything. I didn't get into the Holiday Spirit during December like I have in the past and I am seriously lacking motivation to train for the Triathlon I'm participating in on August 1. I haven't even felt like doing many of the things I enjoy, such as practicing photography. I don't know what is wrong with me and I don't like it. Okay, so I do know part of what is causing this. It's something I just need time to get over and apparently it is going to take A LOT longer than I want it to. Who knows, I may never totally get over it; all I can do is push on.

I hate being in this slump and I hate the fact that I have been extremely tired the past few months, yet haven't been able to sleep worth a darn. If I could lay on my couch or in bed all day and hide under my blankets, away from the world, I would.

I'm just sad, that's all. I will get out of this slump. I will become motivated to start doing the things I love again. I will become happy again (not the "fake happy" I've been putting on my face...the "real honest-to-goodness happy" that I used to feel every day). Maybe when Spring arrives and the flowers begin to bloom my mood will change.

I went to Florida for a week with my sisters this month and that helped lift my spirits a little, but not as much as I thought it would. Being near the ocean, having the ocean breeze blow through my hair, soaking up some rays (on the couple of days it was nice enough to want to be out long enough to soak up some rays), digging my toes into the sand, listening to the waves crash on the beach, etc. was absolutely wonderful, but something just wasn't right...I'm guessing it's that thing that's been unable to leave my mind and been tugging at my heartstrings for a while now. All I can do is keep pushing on and let time take care of things.

"Bear and endure: This sorrow will one day prove to be for your good." ~ Ovid